Make Me A Servant

[135] Make your face shine on your servant

and teach me your decrees. -Psalm 119:135 

Depending on how long you have been my reader, you may remember a post I wrote almost a year ago called Servitude. I suppose I couldn't dream of having actually had readers back then, so check out my April 2010 archive for it. This is a personal revisit.

I receive the Spirit of Prophecy bulletin daily from Bill and Marsha Burns, and this morning as I was suffering from self-inflicted insomnia I received this word for the day:

THE TRUMPET by Bill Burns -- 3/14/11:


In the pattern of My word I have shown you the way. My call to you will be to come and walk upon the River of God where it is full to over flowing. And wherever the river goes it will bring life. Wherever you go, with the flow of that river, you will experience the fullness of My kingdom in manifestation upon the face of My creation. So come. Let Me take you deeper. Come on; don't stay where you are. I'm giving you opportunity to be more than you've ever been before, says the Lord.

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- 3/14/11:

Examine yourself to see if you are in faith. Confront fear and unbelief and overcome, for you are My people of faith. And if not you, who? Rise up and demonstrate My kingdom. Be who you are in Me, says the Lord, and do not be afraid. Stir yourself up in your most holy faith, and let My Spirit have His way. Jude 1:20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit.

To be completely honest I brushed it away. I have spent a lot of time over the last few months looking for ways around God, though I wouldn't have admitted to it before. But hours after I received this I broke down, shut everything down and crumpled to the floor in a fit of physically wracking sobbing. All I could do was weep, I didn't even know what to say. I'd like to say that it was some big enlightening experience, but it wasn't. I cried, laid on the floor, cried some more. It wasn't a moment of divine peace but of divine conviction.

I didn't rightly know what to say to God. I asked him to show me what following the flow of the river looked like in my life, and the simple, yet grindingly truthful words of this song came to me.

Make me a servant, humble and meek
Lord, let me lift up those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant, Make me a servant,
Make me a servant today...

I lay there on the floor, not caring to get up, by now I had already been awake most of the night but I was quite suddenly wide awake. I just lay there and sang that song to God over and over. Make me a servant.. Even when I don't want to serve make this the cry of my heart: make me a servant. Humble me, cause me to be meek.  

Titus 3:3-7 (NIV)

[3] At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. [4] But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, [5] he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, [6] whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, [7] so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

I'm not at peace, I'm not content. I haven't had some amazing, breathtaking, awestriking experience. I am humbled; I have had a glimpse of where I've been for the last six months, and where God wants to lead me through it all. I've seen how many wrong paths I've stumbled onto looking for some way around God. I've realized anew how much I have encouraged this depressive state of the enemy which holds me back from the Fullness of God, and I am utterly berieved and broken of heart and spirit.

Make me a servant.... Make me a servant.. Make me a servant today...